Patience

Patience is a virtue that has never been synonymous with my family. Dad, being the disciplinarian, had always ensured that as a family, we would always be punctual for EVERYTHING, from mass, to Catechism classes, to family functions, and more. Punctuality always meant being early of course, to the extent that if he says we are to leave at 5pm, everyone has to be dressed and ready, waiting for him at the door by 4.55pm. That's because Dad was (is) a very impatient man. For him, waiting for anything (even for a seat in a crowded restaurant) is a no-no. Everything had to be instant. Even in this present day and age, where everything is almost instantaneous just by clicking a mouse or hitting a button, technology has failed to quell the impatient man my father is. Even the fastest PC with 2 Gigabytes worth of RAM ain't quick enough for his liking.

And this impatience is infectious and heriditary, or so it seems. Mom, who has always been a patient and calm woman, has become a kan-jiong spider. She blames it on having to spend almost every waking hour with Dad after both of them retired a few years ago. My brother and I, similarly, have never been very patient people either. Although we try to BE more patient, especially with friends, patience was one of the virtues that have been eluding us, even after we were re-born in Christ through our many (re)conversion experiences.

It is no different in my current context now. My impatience has been brewing. More than a year of having asked God for an answer have elasped, yet I'm no clearer (or surer) as to where He is leading me towards. Sure, I know what He has in store for me is the BEST. Sure, I know that He does all things well. Sure, I know His plans will provide more than I can ever ask, hope and wish for. Sure, I know that His grace is sufficient.

BUT, WHAT EXACTLY IS HIS MOVING ME TOWARDS? WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?

I've always been impetuous. Always more than willing to grab hold of things by the scruff of the neck and force the issue whenever I feel that things are either trudging along too slowly or that the course of events are meandering in such a manner that I have NO IDEA what is going on. And this time is no different. I WANT TO DO THE SAME. It's a lot easier. I won't have to live with not knowing what will happen. My inability to let God assume FULL CONTROL of my LIFE (ie. my inability to surrender myself to Him) "shines" through at this very instant.

When God is given full control, He BECOMES God... when I assume control of my fate, I BECOME MY OWN GOD.

And that's something I'm praying for... the grace to be "magnanimous" and "generous" enough to allow God to be God in my life... to surrender to His will... to live with not knowing but having the peace and joy in my heart, satisfied by the knowledge that He does all things well.

After all, He has been reminding me through last week's gospel that He has much more to tell me but I'm not ready to listen. But at the same time, He promises that the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, will reveal and guide me to all truths (cf. John 16: 12-13). So, even though I'm very much inclined to just "chiong" with my gut feeling, I'm gonna hold on to His coat-tails and try to be patient. After all, one of the synonyms of patience is love right?

Beautiful Collision

David Crowder speaks/sings about the "beautiful collision" when our humanity meets His Divinity... I'm waiting to see that happen. When His perfect patience (love) collides with my human impatience... what chance do I have of winning?

EVERY CHANCE.

Lord, grant me patience
Teach me to trust in Your bountiful graces
Teach me to surrender all things to You
Since You do all things well
and since You only want what's BEST for me
So please Lord... Increase exponentially in my life
And give me the courage to recede.
Amen.

Learning Patience

Rhino5