Time to get off the fence to make the definitive choice!
This idea rammed into my head like a freight-train at full speed today as Jude and Terence shared with no.7 and I in Fr B’s office.
The whole issue of committing to the discovery of my vocation call has been something that I guess I’ve been paying lip-service to but has never put my money where my big mouth is/was. I enjoy having the luxury of choice – marriage, priesthood, teacher/educator, businessman (don’t laugh) or full-time tutor. I’ve been saying for the longest time that I’m open to God’s vocation call, but I think it’s been something that I say without acknowledging the responsibility of such a disposition. And yes, like no.7, the bond to the government I have to serve out before gaining freedom of choice/decision is the convenient excuse for not making the commitment to the discernment process.
Ding-donging from one “issue” to another has been a norm in my life lately. From the issue of having “hunter eyes” being opened again, to dealing with emotions, to dealing with my lazy-bones and not doing what I ought to in school, not forgetting all the ministry work, and of course, being set right with God in my prayer life. Thing is, in all honesty, all these things probably point to one thing: I’ve been standing at the crossroads for a long time, and I’ve chosen not to make the decision but rather to look at the beautiful surroundings and dreaming up what each pathway could lead me to. Don’t get me wrong… the choice is not to WHICH vocation in life… it’s about whether or not I am willing to embark on that process of discovery and prayer.
And this would entail surrendering and giving up a lot of things. What if there’s some girl/woman who turns up and I have the inclination that she may be someone I can spend the rest of my life with? Does it mean that because of the discernment process, then necessarily I cannot date her or get to know her better? No more pubbing and drinking with friends? No more nights at Wala Wala and enjoying EIC’s music? No more brothers’ night out and boozing at no.7’s or Jerome’s place? No more thinking about holidaying in the
Jude hit the nail on the head: it’s about discovering who you were MADE TO BE and WHO YOU ARE. And God loves us enough to give us options and opportunities – women, money, business etc. – during this process, so that it is again OUR CHOICE, as much as it is His will for us.
Sometimes, we all just need to get hammered
So, choice is giving me a real headache. Make a choice, suffer the consequences. Sit on the fence (and I quote no.69,) and hurt my b*lls? But then again, do I wanna be 30 years old before I realize I’m called to family life, and therefore only start looking for dates then? And then let’s not forget all the other mundane matters in life that come into play, including that of studies (again) and ministry.
Fence-sitting ain't a pretty sight
My only solace is that God has repeatedly reminded me over the course of the past 2-3 months that “My grace is sufficient” (2 Cor 10:10) and that’s all I have to cling on to.
It’s tough going through this. The world thinks people like this are weird. Nothing better to do than to think of such matters to screw our brains. They don’t understand. We’re people living an archaic way of life, no longer relevant to the times. Thank God for no.7. He shares in this tumultuous journey with me.
Lord, please cut us some slack, and at the same time be patient with us.
Give us the gumption, strength, boldness and willingness
to surrender ourselves to Your will for us.
May You continue to be the our centre, that our lives remain focused on You.
That You increase exponentially, and we diminish.
Take Your place in the centre Lord… Take Your place.
Centre
By Matt Redman and Charlie Hall
Verse:
You're the centre of the universe
Everything was made in You Jesus
Breath of every living thing
Everyone was made for You
Pre-Chorus:
You hold everything together
You hold everything together
Chorus:
O Christ be the centre of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the centre of our lives
Bridge:
We lift our eyes to heaven
We wrap our lives around Your life
We lift our eyes to heaven to You
End:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
Rhino5
posted by Rhino for God! at 10:34 PM
4 Comments:
Hey Clement,
thanks for this post. Guess I'm in the same boat as you and discernment is REALLY very hard esp when your will clashes with God's will.
You mentioned something very interesting in this post: "What if there’s some girl/woman who turns up and I have the inclination that she may be someone I can spend the rest of my life with? Does it mean that because of the discernment process, then necessarily I cannot date her or get to know her better?" This question has been nagging me for the past 9 months, perhaps you might be able to help me. What I'm struggling with is whether is it fair to the girl? What if one really has a vocation. WOn't I be wasting her time. I've spoken to a Sr before and she said, well let that person know that you are discerning But I'm not convinced by this answer. What is your take on this? Coz ultimately if one has a vocation, one will be wasting the girl's time and don't you think that its not fair to her then?
dear No.5 and Jeremy,
i empathise with your fears, but as one who has walked a mirror-path, i would like to encourage to keep seeking. actively so -being open is not enough. we can stand at the crossroads and enjoy the breeze.
whenever you are ready (though one never quite feels ready, to be honest!!), take the step to explore the religious life. visit the orders or diocesan seminary, talk to wise people.
this step should never be taken as "oh! for sure i shall enter in a few years. boohoohoo..." it is only an exploration of options, to search deep within oneself to discover the real self within you and the purpose God made you for. only by following that can we be truly happy.
how would you know if you're truly suited for the girl/marriage/singlehood/lay/religious vocation if one didn't go to find out more. fear can hold us back, but truth will always prevail. God will always wait till we're ready. we can hear the same thing over and over again, and then one day it clicks, and we act.
re your vocation inclination and the girl. sr is right. share with her your discernment promptings. it is only fair and just. granted you cannot keep her hanging on, but there is always the choice for her to discern alongside you, or perhaps even leave you. that is the risk you must take in doing the right thing, in loving yourself and others and above all, God, correctly.
all of us have a vocation, and we are called to love all people. in following our vocation, we will definitely break A LOT of hearts -i assure you. it may seem harsh and cruel, but really, it is the most loving (if difficult) action to take. we can only love well if we love them in the order that God wishes.
we cannot deny our religious vocation or other vocations because of our parents; we cannot deny God because of the girl. the moment we deny God, we are denying our real selves and loving the people whom we want to protect very much less, because it is not a right-ordered love.
love is an act of will, and only by doing the right thing will human notions of love fall away and we experience the glory of God who is Love.
Loving and doing God's will is the best (and only) way of loving others. it is the only way we can be fair and unselfish, and not wasting other people's time.
Jesus submitting to the cross could be seen as unfilial to Mary. but he loved the Father in entirety, and in doing so, He loved mankind and gave to Mary the best He could -more than he could ever have done if He did not allow Himself to be crucified.
left out my identity, lemming.
Hey Jeremy and Lemming,
haha... firstly, i wish i knew the answers deep down. i wish i knew how to react in such a situation... and if i did, i would proclaim it to the world so that this journey of discovery would be so much less painful and lonely.
But yeah, the lemming is right. enjoying the breeze at the crossroads is the easy part, which i think i've been doing for the past year or so. yet, knowing that i need to pluck up the courage and will myself forward to discover it is a whole different ball-game. i think it's so much easier sitting on the fence.
and i think God is patient with us. even in our human weakness and inability to make a right-ordered choice, He is willing to wait... for eternity. Cos He IS eternity, whatever the word actually means.
So yup, i dunno abt u, but the more i talk abt not sitting on the fence, the more i FIND myself clinging on to the fence. Let's pray that God kicks us off the fence! Heh...
And as for the matter of love, as i've posted before, Shakespeare said something along the lines of love not being love when mixed with other considerations that are aloof of the actual nature of love. For us that's in 1 Cor 13 and also the crucifix. I think that's the greatest challenge of all... to love without any expectation of ANYTHING. Let's try la... with His grace.
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