The Balance

While I was thinking about writing this post, I realised that whatever I was intending to write, I would have probably already done so in previous postings, and also probably written by the other rhinos in one posting or another, in one way or another. Nevertheless, I resolve to write this as it rolls of my tongue (so to speak), and wear my heart on my sleeves, as I always have done.

Just reading the title to this post might make one think that it's gonna be a post where there is some revelation or realisation to be shared at least at the resolution of this post.

But no. There isn't.

'Cos I'm still searching for THE BALANCE to life.

Having spent last weekend at the seminary, where I found prayer time meaningful, peaceful and joyful - where cut off most of the time from the world, without the distractions of a laptop with wireless access, an ever-ringing or vibrating mobile phone, or the incessant buzz of the television or radio in my ear. Prayer became indeed a lifestyle - God's invitation to sit at His feet to listen was really appealing (although He doesn't merely say the nicer things in life to sooth my mind all the time).

Yet, coming back into the real world, the desire for and the routine of prayer quickly wanes due to the distractions again of the material world that surrounds me. With this trusty old laptop of mine, I'm once again connected to cyberspace at an instant, bringing me closer to friends abroad, but at the same time, opening me to the loads of emails (= work) which I had conveniently allowed to pile up while I was on retreat. With carry my mobile phone again, the constant stream of sms (= work) again doesn't leave much moments leave to my senses. And of course, with cable tv again back home, the couch potato in me is making a comeback with a huge exclamation point (or rather a big fat doink onto the couch).

Opening my diary is a painful process these few days. Practices, meetings, events, WEDDINGS... argh. I wish I wasn't so gung ho to say YES to ALL my cousins who had asked me to help out with their wedding choirs. And with the camps, retreats and feast days coming to a head all in a matter of 10 days (including a wedding inserted in between), sometimes I feel like just throwing my diary into the sea, along with this trusty old laptop.

WHERE'S THE BALANCE? Theologically and theoretically, ministry MUST flow from one's personal prayer life and walk with God... one can't give what one doesn't have. Yet, as I've been sharing (read: complaining) with (to) the lemming, the fool and the rhinos, it's always a tension between the receiving and the giving... but then it seems that that'll make everything half-baked... the need for MORE PRAYER in my life is OBVIOUS, yet the amount of ministry seems to flow with that! It's not a chicken and egg question. The lemming has always reminded me not to over-stretch myself, always discerning between which kind of ministry to do, and when to say no to doing a certain good because it'll just kill us. Yet again, 2 Cor 12:10 says "My grace is sufficient". WHERE'S THE BALANCE? Have to pray more. That's certain. Have loads of work to do. That's also certain.

Live for today? Jesus already said today has enough troubles of its own, so why bother abt tmr? Yet our intellects and human minds drift to tomorrow, which causes STRESS.

It's obvious. I dunno where the balance pt is. And I desperately need to learn it, less I not only fall on my own, but also drag others down with me as well - especially those I'm called to serve.

So, God... teach me balance
Teach me moderation
As we await the feast of Your Holy Spirit's descent
Lord guide my heart, my thoughts, my actions
So that when Your Spirit comes,
He can teach me, counsel me, lead me, inspire me
And give me THE BALANCE You desire for me to have
So that in all things
You increase exponentially
While I recede
Amen.

Rhino5