From The Jungles To Reality

With two months of service left with the army, I've been looking back at the past two years in retrospection, considering the possibilities of the virtues, lessons and experiences meaningful, and at the very least, corrupt gleaned from my stint.

Socially, i did not encounter any major problems assimilating into a micro-society otherwise known as a platoon of 66 botak (bald-shaven) boys on my first day (28th Jan 2005) of National Service. For i hail from Montfort, the school of extremes - rowdy, pen-kinife yielding gangsters on one hand of the spectrum, and a patronising homosexual community on the other end. Of course, when the platoon finally shrank to a stable strength of 32 operational soldiers after one year, it only made things better as the fraternity was sealed.

Emotionally, the main slippery slope i had trouble negotiating was being away from home - family. It didn't help that we were only allowed a three-minute phone call per week. What's more, call time always resulted in an orgy of handphones battling for the weakest signal strength available in the constrains of space and time - inevitably resulting in a network jam. On my first phone call, I was surprised that hearing my mum's voice over the phone almost put me to tears.

Religiously, i had prayed and discerned a couple of months before enlistment date, that this would be a two-year spiritual journey for me. Or at least i had convinced myself, by drafting this resolution into my faculties of thought.

And sure enough, this religious resolution was acted out throughout my two years of training. In good times or bad, every move i had ever made was made in His Name. In the name of Jesus:

'Every move I make, I make in You
You make me move, Jesus
Every breathe I take, I breathe inYou
Every step I take, I take in You
You are my way, Jesus
Every breathe I take, i breathe in You'

Sure, crawling my face in the mud was not a good feeling, rain and sweat-drenched while shivering in the cold wind in the wee hours of the morning wasnt either, and walking with our full combat load of 25Kg non-stop for 23hrs till we fell asleep while walking was mentally frustrating too - but all these, I accepted humbly as Jesus accepted His Cross:

'For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake' - Philippians 1:29

Just as i was doing my QT using Word Among Us last night, it dawned on me that in suffering, we should refrain from asking Why, but instead, ask How?

Not: Why did God allow an earthquake in Pakistan to kill nearly eight thousand people?

But, perhaps a better approach would be to ask: How should we respond when disaster strikes? Can we hold fast to our faith in Jesus, even in the face of human suffering? Can we find Christ's presence, grace and intimate love?

Bottom line is, i am not bitter nor fixated on my days in the jungles as a soldier- as Clement aptly reminded me last night that we should not be like stale bread (Uncle Bernard) - living on our past experiences of Christ and not seeking instead the true and living presence of Christ in our daily living.

But emerging back into reality, and preparing to go back to academia, i am greatly thankful to the Lord for giving me the experience of the last two years. Though it may have been a mainly solo, and sometimes lonely spiritual journey, i think it has endowed me with more endurance to see me through life's struggles and in my conviction to serve our Lord.

Thank you Lord, for allowing me to feel your Healing Hands so tangibly amidst the tough times, for making me truly believe there is no crown without cross, and for generally giving meaning to suffering.

After all, You rose to glory and won our salvation after humiliation on a cross. Thank you!

-rhino 69-