The Pursuit of Life

Hi people... need to put a disclaimer first: this blog entry may be a really long one. I dunno why... wait, actually I do but still, I feel I've got a lot to say. And listening to the Carpentars' "Yesterday Once More", while a little ironic given what I'm about to share, is also gonna make me ramble on more than I usually do... and I already am.

"Every shalalala... every woh-oh-oh-oh, still shines..."

ANYWAY.

Ya. No. 7 was sharing with me over the weekend about his plans for life (of course, God willing). And it made me think a lot about what I am currently doing in life... pursuing, if you will. No.7 showed me this book he was reading, about this guy who retired at 47 because he struck it rich and could afford to, and also about this uncle from another parish who did the same, just because he wanted to ensure that he had enough ample financial resources to allow him to serve in ministry full-time. And these 2 guys could do that because they sought to make it big in business young, although what makes the latter stand out was his "why", as his goal for doing so was to be able to serve in ministry full-time without having to worry about bread and butter issues.

Of course, what I heard made me jump. Sounds absolutely cool! Become rich, serve God. WOW!! But as tempting as it sounded, it just didn't sit well within me. Being brought up in through Catholic tradition, money and ministry seemed to me an odd couple and weird bed-fellows. And you can see that in the Archdiocese's reluctance in employing many full-time lay people to serve the Church, or even if it did, the salaries don't match up to what could be earned in secular employment. Yet, our Christian Protestant brethren seem to have been able to successfully integrate these supposedly opposing ideas, and have been reaping the benefits - vibrancy in community living since they have well-planned activities and efforts by these full-timers employed by their churches.

This brought me to think and ponder... what am I to do now? I'm sort of financially independent with my allowance from the government and the tuition I'm giving... but the idea of venturing into business (like the rest of the 5% of all people who bother to find out) and striking it big early seemed so enticing. I mean, look at it this way, Wayne Rooney is 20 and he earns 60k Sterling pounds a week, and will probably be given a pay increment in a matter of months. I don't think I'll see that amount of money any time soon... unless I think big...

BUT WAIT! The more important question is: what am I called to do now in my life? Is God sending me to that part of society, to become a successful businessman and contribute financially and later full-time into ministry? Or am I already on the path that He wants me to be on - studying to become a teacher, giving tuition, and serving in ministry as often as I can? Should I pursue a different course of life now? Since the prospects look so much better... the idea of self-employment in the long term and earning profit fo myself rather than for someone else is SOOOOOOO enticing...

As I reflected further, I was led to recall all my previous pursuits over the course of my short life...
In Secondary School was excellence in football, the Gold Medal for SYF in the band and good grades for the Os.
In JC, it was for the Gold Medal in A Div football and good As... and of course getting a gf...
In the army, it was firstly getting into OCS and commissioning as an officer, and then keeping the gf throughout NS.
And for the last 2 yrs in NUS, it was about Hall Stuff, ideas of marriage, getting onto the dean's list regularly...
Basically, I thought I had my entire life planned out. God of course feature in the plans... but I didn't intend for Him to make me change what I WANTED.

And you know what... I know what my pursuit of life is now... HIS LIFE. Frankly, I don't know if I can live up to what He wants and asks of me... sometimes I still question if I'm doing the kinds of things He wants of me, and if I am the person He wants me to be. Of course, a part of me still want the successful career, the big house, the big sports car, a hot babe for a gf/wife... and I really don't know how do these things fit into whatever He has in store for me.

Yes, I know He definitely wants to bless me abundantly. And everyday I ask that He opens my eyes to see these blessings, and for Him to put me in a disposition to receive them. And I don't know if His plan for me is the teaching part (the supposedly self-sacrificing and honourable vocation), or the rich businessman - both which still can compliment ministry. And not forgetting the issue of my vocation - religious life, family life or singlehood? Am I to be the one who stays in ministry now while others may be called to set-up businesses now so that they can be His salt and light in those circles?

I dunno.

Seriously, I'm actually happy the way I am now... contented. I dunno if it is wrong of me to feel so easily satisfied and maybe even unambitious in life. Whatever lah. He give what, I take what lar. My life's not mine no more... since it is not I who live but Christ who lives in me... headache to think so much... I think He didn't give me the capacity to absorb so much. Heh. Ok, i know that i sound very dismissive and all... but my brain is saturated with technology and politics now so i shall pray about it further and share my hindsights some other time.

Lord, as I have prayed umpteen times this year, "That You increase exponentially, at my expense please..."

Rhino 5